"Cacophony"

There is something about these early Spring like days in March that make us feel as though we have been given a very special gift and must not waste it.  I had been tied up running errands and found the day had slipped away from me.  Determined to pay homage to the sunshine and warm temperature, I headed down to the river to soak in the last remaining hour of fading sunlight.   I stepped closer to the water and stopped.  I was bombarded by a cacophony in every direction.  I turned my head to the right to see if I could determine the “hooty hoot” of the doves, then looked overhead to identify the “honking” sounds of the Canada goose.  Every which way I turned was a different discordant noise,  trill sounds of red wing black birds, raucous cawing of crows , high pitch twittering of some bird which I could not see..  Then I heard a train whistle in the distance and a single engine plane overhead.  I heard the ducks flapping in the water. I stopped turning my head and listened to the cacophony become an ode to Spring.  It was amazing how all the sounds came together like a symphony of my world!  I smiled to myself and thought… “I just used the word cacophony!”  I was impressed with myself.  Cacophony… Wow, I’m not sure I have ever actually used that word in a sentence even in my head!

So I decided to write about that in my blog tonight.  Not the sounds of Spring, but words we hardly ever use and mostly how grateful  I am for spell check.   I read a lot and, in context, I know what most of the words I read mean.  I almost never look up a word.  I’m pretty confident in sorta knowing.  (I’m not very confident in my punctuation so I use a lot of commas just in case.) But spelling?  That’s a whole other ballgame!  Do you know how many different ways I have attempted to spell “cacophony”?  And even though spell check has corrected me each time, I’m still relying on it to fix things.  Do you know how many of the words in this blog have been corrected (not counting cacophony)? Discordant,grateful, determined…. And those are just regular words!   Oh I have words that I spell wrong regularly, like “develop” which does not have a e at the end but I seem to like it there.  I sometimes put an e at the end of wronge too but I know that doesn’t look right!  “Tongue”  well thankfully I don’t have to write that word very much because it always throws me!  But because I spell check, I can write with confidence that you will get my drift. And I can impress you with words like “cacophony” (if you’re not sure what it means… you can google it. I did just to be sure.)  It would be really nice if spell check could actually fix everything that I do!  Could someone get to work on that “life check” thing?

Ok, your turn.  Hit me with some uncommon words to describe your day today. (and in doing so, you’ll be helping me spice up my blog writing)  thanks..

"Which is better? 3 or 4?

3… um, I mean 4.. wait.. can I see 3 again?  “Which line is blacker?”  ok, this is a tough one because they look exactly the same.  That can’t be the right answer though because he wouldn’t have asked me if they were the same!  But if I say “vertical” and it’s supposed to be horizontal.. well then I have screwed up my glasses (and I really need those to see anything!)  Such pressure!  I say they look the same.  Whew! Being honest is the only way to go.  “How about these lines?  Which is blacker now?”  Damn!!!  I’m going to have to go through a lot more of these questions

The doctor at the hospital says “Could you rate your pain for me on a scale of 1-10?”    um… could you describe a 10?  “A  10 is like a knife in your belly”.  I don’t know about you but I’ve never had a knife in my belly.  I’m thankful for the reference point but I’m not going to be able to use that. (and I’m hoping she doesn’t really know that one either!)  So, I’m going to try and remember the worst pain I ever had and use that as my 10.  I stubbed my toe real bad one time.  That really hurt but still probably nothing like a knife wound. I had 3 babies but they gave me some stuff for the pain so it wasn’t that bad.  She saw that I was having some difficulty answering the question show she showed me a chart of smiley faces, some not smiling at all and she said to point to the one that best indicated my pain.  I really don’t want to get this wrong because too happy a face, I’m not getting any attention and too fierce a face, I locked up on machines.  (There doesn’t seem to be a confused looking smiley face). I go somewhere in the low middle.  (I don’t want to seem like a baby).  She looks at me and marks the chart.  I must have answered that one right. Whew!

I went to the chiropractor today because I’m feeling not quite right. That really threw him!  “What do you mean exactly?” he says.  Un oh,  I thought he might just know what I meant but no, he needs clarification. “Here’s a little picture of a person. Circle the part that hurts and then circle the description that most applies.”  Pain? Pressure? Sensitivity? Ache?   FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!  I don’t know!  What is the difference between ache and pain? Doesn’t pressure hurt? If you touch me there I’m going to laugh because it tickles.  Yes, it’s sensitive.  He tells me to take a deep breath and when I exhaled he snaps my neck.  “OUCH!”   “Did that hurt?” he asked.    Pause….. I say “yes.. well, not really,  .. well maybe a little”.   “Does it hurt now?”        I give up! !

 I’m not indecisive.  I know how to answer a question.  For example if you said dark or milk chocolate?  I know, dark.   If you ask me my age, well, I’m going to tell you whatever I want and that will be correct . If you ask me my name, it’s either Catherine Russell or Russell, Catherine but invariably, I will get that wrong on a form. And there lies the problem.  Sometimes you just have to answer the question right.  And that can be a lot of pressure! (but not the kind that hurts)

"Why are you getting up at 5am?"

Seriously?  Why ARE you getting up at 5am????  Santa didn’t come, you don’t have cows,(unless you do), you don’t have a crying baby, there’s nothing on TV but infomercials and the NASA channel!   (and seriously, watching the NASA channel ANY time of the day is pretty weird) You don’t have to go to work, it’s DARK outside, hell, there are still STARS in the sky! Why do you get up at 5am?.  You’re not alone.  There are people all over the world who wake up at 5am and like you, lots of them don’t have to.  I think there is something wrong with you.  I LOVE my bed. I am always sad to get out from under my nice soft squishy down blanket. Even if I’m wide awake, I’d just as soon stay just a little bit longer. My bed loves me too.  I make promises to my bed that I’ll be back soon! (That seems to calm my bed down.. just knowing I’ll be back.) But you bounce out of your bed at 5am. And talk to me.. who is not planning to get up for a while.  Oh and for the record, 7:30am is not the afternoon.(neither is 8am.)  You are not the first person in my life that has said “good morning sleepyhead” to me as I tear myself away from my beloved pillow to enter the world at 7:30! Apparently I have slept the day away already.  What the hell… I might as well go back to bed then.  And just exactly what do you do in the “shank” of the day?  Unless you’re, like, solving world peace or something.. I think it could wait an hour or two. Oh and that coffee you made at 5am doesn’t taste good at all at 7:30. (just saying).

So what’s up with that, all of you early risers?  Do you have some sort of Farmer DNA? To me, the day starts when something is going on   like the sun is up or the newspaper is here. By the way, this whole thing does not apply to you if you deliver my newspaper.  Thank you for getting up so early but I really don’t need mine till 7ish.    Ok, so maybe your job starts at 6am.  That does not explain to me why you wake up so early on the weekends. I’d think about looking for a new job if I was you, because really, it’s a lot nicer to wake with the sun.  I can feel the sunlight on my closed eyes and I know the world is waiting for me.  Of course on a rainy day.. the world can wait a little longer.  Not only do you wake up at 5am but you fall asleep around 8pm.  If I did that, I’d miss American Idol (Jessica Sanchez knocked it out of the park tonight!) and then how could I join in the conversations with everyone on Facebook?

  Ok, it’s 11:00pm now. I think this day is done.  It was a good day, a very good day.  It started at 7:30am.

Sweet dreams, Night owls, Good morning, Early Birds

"You are arrogant"

Well, not you.. me.  After six years of wedded bliss, my second husband had a life altering revelation about his sexual orientation.  He thought we might need some counseling to get through the emotional turmoil sure to follow.  So I said ok.  The therapist immediately said that she wanted to work with me alone. She kept saying “I know how angry you must be” in spite of the fact that I wasn’t angry.. I was sad. She told me I was strong.  I told her that I believed in choice of actions and I choose to move through this.  I then said  “if you believe in choice.. why would anyone choose to stay in a place of pain?”  That’s when she called me arrogant.  I didn’t think I was getting any help here so I stopped going.  She called me arrogant.  Now I’m a lot of things, stubborn, self-righteous, feisty, but I never considered myself “arrogant” until last night.

Getting through this thing called life can be tough.  We’ve all been through some hard times. And we mostly find ways to survive. I have sought out the “survivor” in the people that I meet because it is a characteristic I value greatly. “How did you make it through?” has always been a fascinating conversation to me.  I have had little patience or compassion for those that remain a “victim” of life. I have said “yeah, I know, life’s a bitch now what are you going to do about it?” I have worked with children with disabilities and pushed them through their fears to achieve new levels of success. But last night, I realized that I am arrogant.  I watched the evening news and the leading story was a crime so incomprehensible that it will haunt me forever.  Sometimes, things of such unspeakable violence happens to innocent people. Sometimes such unfathomable sorrow befalls a person that life becomes an unwanted burden.  Sometimes the tools necessary to overcome the injustice have been so completely stripped away that climbing out of hell is simply not an option.

So today, I give my utmost thanks to God for this life that live, I ask the Universe to forgive my arrogance, and I promise to be more understanding and compassionate. (but I’m still probably going to be feisty)

Sometimes I write for fun, sometimes for a response, and sometimes just to put my thoughts to pen, but always… always I write from my heart.  Thank you for reading and becoming a part of my world.

"slut"

Got your attention?  That was the purpose of the title, to get your attention. That was the intention of Rush Limbaugh calling Sandra Fluke a “slut”.  She is a young law student who testified to lawmakers about wanting the school to amend its’ health insurance policy to cover birth control. Limbaugh went on a rant about paying for birth control was paying for sex and that made her a “slut”… a “prostitute” .  But Rush has apologized so everything is ok now.  Well, he didn’t actually apologize though he used the word “apologize”.  He said that his choice of words may not have been the best in his efforts to be humorous.  He apologized to Ms. Fluke for his choice of words.  I guess he thinks another word for “slut” like “whore” or “hooker” might have been more appropriate and less offensive.  But that is not why I’m writing this.  I’m not here to discuss whether or not he was right or wrong.  Rush Limbaugh incited a nation to think about something and invoke a passionate response.  Every adult in this country and probably all over the world is talking about what he said. Never underestimate the power of words.

Now, I’m here at this computer hoping that you too will have a response to the words that I am writing. Difference is, no one is paying me big bucks to get you all riled up.  I’m just really writing what I think and hope that you will offer me a different perspective.  But when I did my radio show live, I was told that people LIKE to argue their opinions and that a nonjudgmental approach would not work. I think that is probably true but it’s not ever what I wanted to do… start arguments. (I do that enough in my own personal world!)  Rush Limbaugh gets paid A LOT of money to start arguments.  And he does that by choosing his words very carefully.  So he apologized for his choice of words that performed exactly as he wanted.  I have always tried very hard to say what I mean to say.  I found out a long time ago that insinuating, implying intent, assuming perception, hinting, beating around the bush, half-truths…. Do not work out so well.  So I say what I mean.  Problem with that method is that I cannot prevent others from thinking I mean something else in spite of my literal utterances.  I also assume that you mean exactly what you say and this has put me in some difficult situations as well.  I don’t think I have ever called anyone a “slut” because the term means sexually promiscuous and I’m not sure what constitutes promiscuous these days.  I have, on occasion, called someone an unkind word (like “peccar head” or “jerk”)  but I meant that.

The power of words. They can tell a story, soothe a broken heart, empower a conversation, greet a stranger, proclaim to the world, make us laugh, comfort a loved one but once spoken or written, they can never be taken back. Apology not accepted, Rush, but great job on making us react! And I'm guessing that this post will get more hits than any of the others because of the title.

"I googled it"

Ok, I’m a little behind the times but not by all that much.  I look up something by using google and have for years but it is not until recently that I have come to truly appreciate the virtues of googling. (by the way, every time I try and type “google”,  microscoft wants to change it to “goggle” which does not even come into my thoughts… ever!  Back to google.  In the old days, like 10 years ago, you had to be very specific about what you might want to research on google.  And then you were hit with about a thousand different websites  to check out and see if they answered your questions. Not anymore!  All you really have to do is type your question into the google bar.  Voila! Your answer is up in about .o23974257886 seconds.  Whenever you are having a conversation with anyone, (even yourself) and you wonder about something… just “google” it. 

Did you know that currants are a type of grape and extraordinarily high in vitamin C?  Did you know that the pink ginger that come with your sushi is dyed pink with food coloring? Do you know what “spalted wood” is? That you can cook with slimy mushrooms? That Joe Palermo was the Orchid Man?  (ok, I did that google search after we started dating).  Do you know where the closest farmers market is?  What is in “jerk” seasoning? That Trader Joes really is coming to Albany!  The weather in Pagosa Springs , Colorado? Where to buy bulk dried fruits for the best price?  How to freeze fresh tomatoes?  The words to the poem  “The Owl and the Pussycat”?   Do you know the definition of serendipity? It’s amazing how you really can find all of the answers to your questions!!!   Now I know they have “aps” for the stuff you need answer for most often.. but really, my questions are all over the place!   Without google,  I would never get out some research kind of book and look up the answers to my questions.  I’d just keep on wondering.. FOREVER!  (or really, it would just pass on through my mind like the wind).  I’d forget the question!

Now I know some stuff.  It might not be stuff you want to know but I do.  You probably know a bunch of stuff that I don’t because I haven’t looked it up yet (or I haven’t wondered about it).  I looked up some scientific sort of answers like how do you make a Kaleidoscope but I didn’t really learn anything from that.  I guess I didn’t really care how.. but it’s out there if you do.  Hell, you can learn how to do anything just by googling it!  If you want to make a braided rag rug or perform a sexy striptease  (not saying I googled that one)  you can find out how.  I am a wealth of information of stuff I want to know about!!!  I’m way smarter than I used to be.  Just ask me anything.  I’ll get right back to you with that answer.  I might even retain the info if it relates to something in my life.

 What is the last thing you “googled”?

magic

I went to a restaurant over the weekend that had a magician go around from table to table and do tricks.  I wanted to go to that restaurant because of the magic. It was awesome!  I didn’t used to think that way about magic tricks.  I thought they were stupid.  Big deal.. so you know a trick I don’t know!!  So you can deceive me by diversion!   There is always someone in the group who thinks they know how the “magic” happened but when questioned about it.. well, they don’t get it exactly.  They say a magician never reveals his methods but clearly  they all have, otherwise we would never get to see the person cut in half or the rabbit coming out of a hat.  I don’t think magic tricks are stupid anymore.  I enjoy the whole thing.  I don’t need to know how the trick was done.  As a matter of fact, I don’t even want to know.  Just make me believe, because maybe, just maybe, magic happens.

It did this morning.  I looked out into the most beautiful frosty white wonderland, the branches of the trees heavy with glittering snow.  Ok.. I know  how snow happens.  Well, I couldn’t really explain it to you but they taught me back in 4^th grade and I just kind of said “oh, I get it” (which is what you say when you are supposed to be understanding some scientific explanation). But that wasn’t where the magic part came in today. The magic part came from Max.  He’s 4years old.  He spent the night. And the first thing he said to me this morning was “Can we go outside and play in the snow”?  Now it has been a loooooong time since playing in the snow sounded like a good idea to me.  I told him after breakfast I would go outside with him.  As each bite of my raisin toast passed through my lips, the countdown to “after” breakfast began.  I told him I was old and old people like to drink their coffee and read the paper. He waited patiently (as patiently as 4 year olds wait). So I put on my long johns, 2 pairs of socks, my heavy duty boots and mittens and went into the snow with Max.  We started building a snowman,   ok, I started building a snowman while Max just did stuff in the snow.  I asked him to help but he was busy. I kept at it.  Max asked me if he could eat snow. I said yes and remembered my Mom making snow ice cream with vanilla and egg and maple syrup.  Max asked me if he could just “jump into the snow with his face”.  I said yes, and remembered when I thought it might be fun too. I was transported back to a time of simple pleasures, not acknowledging the cold, not questioning how or why there was this beautiful awesome cold white stuff on the ground,  just knowing that it magically appeared and being really happy about it. 

 Magic happened today… nothing up my sleeve..