"Entertain me, Damn it!"

We shout at the TV.  “Entertain me Damn it!”  Amuse my mind or divert me from my thoughts and worries as I sit in judgment of your performance. Hold my attention so that I do not become bored with my own ideas.  Make me laugh or cry or feel something other than what I’m already feeling. You, who have chosen to be entertainers, (and those who were forced into the profession), I will decide if you are good enough.  Hell, a long time ago, I would have been deciding whether or not you lived!!!

We have demanded to be entertained from the beginning.  Take me away from my drudgery. Sing for me, dance for me, fight for me so that I may be delighted in your efforts. But I will judge you.  If I do not like your performance, I will send you to the gallows or to the lions or to the unemployment line.  Oh, I know, you put your heart and soul into every act.  But still, you put it out there for me and I just might not like it or you. Ok, you LOVE to dance.  Great, but you had better be good if you’re doing it other than in your living room, otherwise.. well, I decide.  Of course, not me alone.  The King will have a say, the Emperor, the Sultan, the Council, the Masses, thumbs up or thumbs down, Baby. So you’d best entertain me, your life may depend on it.

That was pretty dramatic, I know, but it really did used to be like that.  Today, mostly, we just vote you off the show.  And you’re not really professional entertainers, you’re “real”.  We watch you sing on the Voice, American Idol, Americas’ got talent, (we had The Gong Show before the rest of this reality TV). We watch you dance, lose weight, hurl yourselves at giant rubber balls, and we make judgments on your performance.  Sometimes we think we could do waaaaaay better at whatever you’re doing but we’re saying that from our living couches as you “entertain” us.  Some of us actually seem to have some sort of degree in talent rating as though we have all produced so many entertainers.  “No”, we say, “you’re pitchy” (like I know what that means!) and “that outfit is horrible!” and “you’re too old to be dancing like that”.  We watch these shows because we are entertained and because we take part in the outcome. We sit in judgment of your performance just like if we were sitting in a theater, applauding with gusto or heckling to show our disappointment.  Now we sit in our little houses deciding your fate as you take the very brave step of entertaining us.

Our lives are filled with daily stresses.  No lion is chasing us but our way of living is hectic and exhausting.  We are not physically tired from plowing the fields but we need to “shut off” our thoughts to relax.  If you want to know just how busy our minds have become, try meditating.  Just try and quiet your thoughts and body.  You will see  how difficult it is to be still.  That is why we need to be entertained.  That is why we pay a lot of money to the cable company and why reality TV leads the market in viewers.  We have loved watching competitions on TV but we were watching the “professional” judges rate your “professional” performance.

Now anyone can put on their sequins and attempt to please me.  Thank you, but sorry, you’re timing was off a bit. You’re going back home to being a dishwasher.