3… um, I mean 4.. wait.. can I see 3 again? “Which line is blacker?” ok, this is a tough one because they look exactly the same. That can’t be the right answer though because he wouldn’t have asked me if they were the same! But if I say “vertical” and it’s supposed to be horizontal.. well then I have screwed up my glasses (and I really need those to see anything!) Such pressure! I say they look the same. Whew! Being honest is the only way to go. “How about these lines? Which is blacker now?” Damn!!! I’m going to have to go through a lot more of these questions
The doctor at the hospital says “Could you rate your pain for me on a scale of 1-10?” um… could you describe a 10? “A 10 is like a knife in your belly”. I don’t know about you but I’ve never had a knife in my belly. I’m thankful for the reference point but I’m not going to be able to use that. (and I’m hoping she doesn’t really know that one either!) So, I’m going to try and remember the worst pain I ever had and use that as my 10. I stubbed my toe real bad one time. That really hurt but still probably nothing like a knife wound. I had 3 babies but they gave me some stuff for the pain so it wasn’t that bad. She saw that I was having some difficulty answering the question show she showed me a chart of smiley faces, some not smiling at all and she said to point to the one that best indicated my pain. I really don’t want to get this wrong because too happy a face, I’m not getting any attention and too fierce a face, I locked up on machines. (There doesn’t seem to be a confused looking smiley face). I go somewhere in the low middle. (I don’t want to seem like a baby). She looks at me and marks the chart. I must have answered that one right. Whew!
I went to the chiropractor today because I’m feeling not quite right. That really threw him! “What do you mean exactly?” he says. Un oh, I thought he might just know what I meant but no, he needs clarification. “Here’s a little picture of a person. Circle the part that hurts and then circle the description that most applies.” Pain? Pressure? Sensitivity? Ache? FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!! I don’t know! What is the difference between ache and pain? Doesn’t pressure hurt? If you touch me there I’m going to laugh because it tickles. Yes, it’s sensitive. He tells me to take a deep breath and when I exhaled he snaps my neck. “OUCH!” “Did that hurt?” he asked. Pause….. I say “yes.. well, not really, .. well maybe a little”. “Does it hurt now?” I give up! !
I’m not indecisive. I know how to answer a question. For example if you said dark or milk chocolate? I know, dark. If you ask me my age, well, I’m going to tell you whatever I want and that will be correct . If you ask me my name, it’s either Catherine Russell or Russell, Catherine but invariably, I will get that wrong on a form. And there lies the problem. Sometimes you just have to answer the question right. And that can be a lot of pressure! (but not the kind that hurts)
That's like asking how much money do you want?
ReplyDeleteI just laughed my ass off over that comment!!! Like if you've ever try to sell something at a garage sale... "How much do you want for this?" "I don't know... how much will you give me?" Thanks for sharing! Love it!
ReplyDelete. 0 - Pain free
ReplyDelete1 - Very minor annoyance - occasional minor twinges.
2 - Minor annoyance - occasional strong twinges.
3 - Annoying enough to be distracting.
4 - Can be ignored if you are really involved in your work, but still distracting.
5 - Can't be ignored for more than 30 minutes.
6 - Can't be ignored for any length of time, but you can still go to work and participate in social activities.
7 - Makes it difficult to concentrate, interferes with sleep You can still function with effort.
8 - Physical activity severely limited. You can read and converse with effort. Nausea and dizziness set in as factors of pain.
9 - Unable to speak. Crying out or moaning uncontrollably - near delirium.
10 - Unconscious. Pain makes you pass out.
. 0 - Pain free
ReplyDelete1 - Very minor annoyance - occasional minor twinges.
2 - Minor annoyance - occasional strong twinges.
3 - Annoying enough to be distracting.
4 - Can be ignored if you are really involved in your work, but still distracting.
5 - Can't be ignored for more than 30 minutes.
6 - Can't be ignored for any length of time, but you can still go to work and participate in social activities.
7 - Makes it difficult to concentrate, interferes with sleep You can still function with effort.
8 - Physical activity severely limited. You can read and converse with effort. Nausea and dizziness set in as factors of pain.
9 - Unable to speak. Crying out or moaning uncontrollably - near delirium.
10 - Unconscious. Pain makes you pass out.
I'm think I'm going to do alot better answering that pain question next time around! Thanks anonymous medical professional!
ReplyDeleteHmmm…is a correct answer curtailed to a specific treatment?
ReplyDeleteHoly shit, the pharmacy just gave me a script for #9 and I explicitly told the doctor I was #6!!!!
I personally like product disclaimers and warnings to discontinue use and consult a doctor if you experience any of the following: signs of dizziness, shortness of breath, thoughts of suicide, or death. I’m pretty sure I won’t be seeking a consultation if I develop that death thing.
ReplyDeleteOh, Cathie you had me laughing out loud on that one. precious. I remember when I broke my wrist was the first time I had seen that chart. I was kinda numb, I guess in shock, so I can really identify with this story. So funny.
ReplyDeleteI always used birthing a 9+ pound child as my highest pain threshold until the day came that I had developed an abscess in a tooth & required a root canal. That whole pain- rating thing made a lot more sense after that. I do still get screwed up at the eye doctor, though!
ReplyDelete